I am wondering if being pregnant is what is making me have these thoughts that I’ve never felt before. Maybe bearing this pixie stardust from the core of this universe inside of me and being one with this incredible, magical spark of life, is what is making me have ‘enlightenments’ I’ve never had till date. After all, at this moment this tiny one is divine in every sense.
4 May 2018
For the first time in my life, I actually miss India while being away. Usually this never happens, because of my insatiable wanderlust. To add on to it, I have been having revelations of sorts. Out of which the most striking one is the fact that I’m suddenly immensely glad I was born Indian, and for the first time I’m feeling overwhelmingly happy because if it. I’m appreciating from where I come from, for the fact that my roots have a tenderness that the west lacks, for the fact that we have an unruliness the west does not possess, an unruliness which is almost poetic, because it comes off as more natural than the mechanical orderliness of the west.
I’m suddenly grateful of the fact that I understand and enjoy eastern things..and feel an innate sense of belonging to them. They may not be the finer things in life, but they sure have a quality, or rather a tenderness that is etched into the nature and the cosmos – a sort of beauty in chaos. Eastern music has it, our dance and art forms have it, our literature and our spiritual places have it. And the bliss I feel even at the thought of it all is divine. It is not something that the western materialistic world possesses and for the same reason we are not able to perceive them while in the thick of western lifestyle or culture. I don’t know how much I’m making sense, but I do think at least some of my fellow Indians have thoughts aligned to mine, and can at least obscurely understand what I’m getting at. I guess it’s always most difficult to express something that we feel at the core of our heart, rather than something on our mind, especially when our heart is brimming with the said feeling that it just doesn’t overflow as words.