What do you say when the one who is supposed to be your better half for a life time, pulls off a Tiger Woods on you? After the initial fireworks and blasts, you sort of become a recluse, shy away into a shell n take your own sweet time to come out of it.. In the meantime, a whole volley of events unfold around you.. First of all you (rather your close ones) are ambushed by critiques, cynics and condescending bigots in the forms of relatives, neighbours and so-called ‘well wishers’.. That’s the thing about our society bearing a glorified culture on its shoulders; people who have absolutely no idea of what actually transpired, or even worse, people who have no clue of who YOU actually ARE, get to somehow comment on your life because you went to school with them several blue moons ago or because your grand aunt’s co-sister’s neighbour got married to their uncle’s stepson’s third wife or even because your ancestral home is next to their cow farm! Every tom, dick n harry end up being highly opinionated about your life. “Oh it must definitely be her fault” or “She deserves just that” or “I didn’t expect anything better from her anyway” become the talk of the town for quite some time. The worst part is, none of the above is done to you on the face, but discreetly behind your back in hushed tones.. and the more disconcerting fact is, you invariably get to hear it! Well, because as we all know, that’s how closely-knit the gossip mongering networks in our society work! Almost like they are competing in efficiency with news exchanging little ants that busily go up and down a trail !
Meanwhile, you are still caught up in the murky world of thoughts and soliloquies ranging in all dimensions.. The million “How could he do this to me?”s, and “Am I not good enough for him?”s run amok in your head.. You introspect, analyse, over think and go into doldrums of exponential magnitudes.. And finally you somehow buck up and pull yourself together to brave the world with a bold face, or rather a face palm!
Now comes the twist in the tale.. All of a sudden the Tiger Woods pulls off the second phase, that of a contrite Bill Clinton, and expects you to be the ever charming Hillary and welcome him back into your life with open arms and rosy pathways leading to your doorstep! He is all remorseful and guilt reeks even from his breath. And this drives you into yet another frenzied state of mind, where in you are foddered with gold starred words of wisdom from all directions. Then you contemplate with all the facts and figures at hand, the before and after scenarios, familial and societal pressure, and last but mostly the least – your own individual take on the whole brouhaha. Because let’s admit it, that’s how the life decisions of a woman in our society works. Least preference to her own choices and her individuality, which is precisely the reason why most of the time you even end up in such predicaments. You end up getting married to someone even when all your instincts point towards the backdoor. Your feelings of foreboding is waved aside with a dismissive hand, berating what a young girl like yourself know about life, marriage or relationships, and hours of listening to ‘Gyan’ that “this is how it works in all Indian marriages” (Seriously, it “works” eh?) leaves you with no other choice really.
And so when the boomerang phase happens it is a tad too late. You have already reached a point of no-return. And you wonder, ‘Why don’t people get that some actions have permanent consequences’!? The damage is so colossal that nothing you say or do later is going to undo it. It is like someone rash drives and takes the life of the one travelling with them.. No words, thoughts or actions would bring the person back.. The driver should have considered the aftermath while he was at the wheel, before pulling off stunts that took a dear one’s life. So when someone you trust pulls an antic that jeopardizes everything you both had till then, may be a part of you dies along with that, and nothing he says or does can reclaim you.
So what did I do, when the above described series of events happened in my life? I took some time off.. Time to myself, time to think, read and write.. but more importantly to figure out what I really wanted.. And in the meanwhile, I checked things off my To-Do list –
Kick started my baby – i.e., An establishment of my own (Of course not entirely myself, with my best buddy biz partner)
- Crossed the seas for a trip alone in another country (Gave me a sense of freedom I never felt before and got me more in touch with nature)
- Gifted myself a puppy (The most adorable ball of fur who yaps and snaps at me if I don’t kiss him every day)
- Drove across the length and breadth of the country (5000 kms. Phew!.. And got to see another face of this sparkling India/World that we know of till date)
- Got my nose pierced (My long abandoned dream, redeemed.. Thanks to painless piercings! )
- Learnt to ride a bike (Why should boys have all the fun, and no I’m not talking about the silly scooty that gals ride.. This is the real deal, Motorbike WITH Gear :D)
- – Met (twice), had dinner with and conversed at length with the one and only LALETTAN`, the only actor with whom I’m still hopelessly in love with (i.e., from the age of 5)
- Coloured my hair red (And then got all other shades – brown, bronze, copper etc – free of cost shortly after)
- Found my happy tree (Frangipani – Realised that just looking at the tree makes me feel so happy that I smile to myself)
- Wrote quite some stuff I felt so strong about (And even about inconsequential inanities that I’d rather not show out in the open)
- And yes, looked death in the eye and said see you later with a smile.. 🙂 (Though that was actually not part of my to-do list)
And the fact is during such gloomy phases in life, first you do plummet into these black holes that are endless pits of dark thoughts.. But, one thing is certain, you definitely would come out of it alive.. And when you do, it’s going to be a new rejuvenated, invigorated you.. With a spanking new stash of secret fuel up the sleeve, to help you launch and rebrand yourself in this world.. and here I’m.. after the whole ordeal, emerged a Superwoman! Ready to rewrite my Fairytale, all over again!! 😉